by Kathy Miller
Regardless of how much or how little people have, money management is the most common cause of dissension in relationships. While each couple is unique, most arguments about financial matters start with either lack of organization or lack of communication. Both of these are behavior issues, and behavior can be changed.
Following are some tips for peaceful money management:
Get Organized.
Create systems that work for both people. Choose one place for checkbooks, receipts, and other information regarding financial transactions. Use a file marked "Payables" for credit card statements, monthly mortgage, car, and insurance payment booklets, utility bills, etc, which should all be kept together until they have been paid.
Put details in writing.
Many people carry their financial information around with them in their head – the monthly direct debit for the health club membership, the month they renew their auto insurance, the day they promised to pitch in for Aunt Martha's new sofa-bed. While the ability to remember facts and figures is impressive, all that information takes up prime real estate in your mind. Did you know Albert Einstein could not recite his telephone number from memory? He saved the space for new ideas. Getting all those details out of your head and onto paper will help you feel more peaceful while making the data more accessible to your partner.
Schedule a "Money Management Meeting."
Sit down with your partner regularly to discuss your finances. Arrange all information about what bills are due, how much is due, and the date each payment is due into an easy-to-read format. I recommend using the system in A Good Steward's Money Management Journal ($14.95 at www.agoodsteward.net), a calendar/workbook with simple, step-by-step instructions for organizing your finances.
Together, go over your expenses, compare your monthly income to your monthly expenses, and brainstorm solutions to problems that arise or ways to increase income. For instance, if you find your paycheck will not cover the new hockey equipment your son needs next week, you could choose to take action on selling that timeshare in Orlando or the treadmill turned coat-hanger that is collecting dust in your basement. Maybe you have medical bills you have been meaning to submit to the insurance company for reimbursement. You might decide it is a good idea to take on a part-time job or pick up an extra shift at work. The point is to think of solutions together.
Stop Money Mayhem.
The Money Meeting is meant to empower you. While facing the facts and figures may be disheartening or upsetting at first, remind yourselves that sometimes the problem gets bigger before it gets better. In order to prevent the session from turning into an argument, preface your meeting with an agreement about what you will do when tensions rise. Some couples choose to light candles and take deep breaths; others take a walk or drink a cold glass of water. You could consider having an objective third-party sit with you the first few times. In my coaching practice I often act as a mediator as couples learn how to communicate about their finances without arguing.
If you find yourselves in trouble get help right away. Do not make a bad situation worse by delaying action. Professional counseling and coaching services are available, and sometimes one session is all it takes to get you back on track. Learn how to make money management a positive force rather than a destructive force in your relationships. If there are real problems, they will be easier to face when you face them together.
For more information about solving your financial problems, visit www.AGoodSteward.net
Kathy Miller is a Prosperity Coach and Founder of A Good Steward, a consulting firm that helps individuals, couples, and groups overcome personal and professional money obstacles. For more information, call (908) 647-1856 or visit www.agoodsteward.net.
Copyright 2002
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